XI
"Good night," she said, as we stood by her bedroom door, "Good night, sleep well and dream of me, Antoinette will call you to-morrow morning, And you can bathe in the sea with me or not, as you like. And I thought: "She said I was never to enter her room uninvited, Perhaps she does not want to lie with me to-night, Perhaps she does not want to lie with me at all; Or perhaps -- which is more flattering-- Since she knows how important it is That this should be right and perfect, She thinks I am too tired from my long journey And from all the emotions of to-night, And that it is better to wait. She may be right." So I bent and kissed her hand devoutly, saying: "Good-night, good-night, my love, good-night."
But as I slowly undressed, I was thinking hard, But once my esprit is on the escalier It moves with admirable rapidity. And I thought: "This is all nonsense. I am tired, but not so tired. Am I a boy to be awkward and ineffectual? (Hamlet should have said: "Brief as a boy's embrace.") I'm such a slow-witted fool I didn't even ask if I might lie with her, And of course, she gave me the chance not to. True, she did not invite me, But she did not say I was not to come."
At that moment, as I stood quite naked, thinking, I saw myself in a long mirror, And was surprised to see I was almost handsome And how bright and clear my eyes looked. And I said to myself; "By God, if I do not love her to-night it is treason, Treason to Love, to her, to myself, to the miracle Which has drifted together for a fraction of eternity Us two frail atoms with our lives and passions. I might die in the night, there might be an earthquake;, England may have declared war to-day, Tomorrow she may not love me... I wrapped myself in a thin gown And in a second was tapping at her door, Not timidly and not too loudly, But as one who says: "I mean to come in." And I hear her clear voice say: "Come in!"
She was sitting in bed, reading, Dressed in a thin green silk chemise Cut so low that one could nearly see her breast-points, And a little green coat over it wide open in front; And she said: "Is there anything the matter? Has Antoinette forgotten something?" I made no answer, but kneeled on one knee beside her, Put both my hands on her breasts And looked deep into her eyes. Slowly she put her arms around me And slowly she pressed her body against mine...