How to Succeed at Group Living

Your mileage may vary, but this is what's working for us.

Be Generous

Not just financial.
Also with your time.
And your skills.

Recognize Non-Financial Contributions

Having multiple incomes gives our house resiliency,
But the money each can contribute varies wildly.

We mitigate feelings of unfairness or unworthiness by:

• Everyone gets equal living space, regardless of financial contribution (It's called Socialism.)


• We recognize non-financial contributions


• Our Consigliere is our interface with bureaucracy: state or business
• She also handles things medical


• Our Contractor Wrangler finds, negotiates, and manages them
• She also researches our major purchases


• Our White Blood Cell finds things that need to be done, and just does them
• He's also great with a grill


• Heavy lifting comes from the big guy on the third floor
• Who's always ready to drive someone somewhere


• Our Marine is our centerpost.
• And her space is our Common space


• I make things happen


• Drivers transport non-drivers. Cars are borrowed
• Gardening happens, the lawn gets mowed, trash gets taken out

Money is essential.
So are time and effort.

Be Forgiving

Grudges accumulate.
So does forgiveness.
Where would you rather live?

Celebrate

Birthdays, holidays, successes, homecomings

When you walk in the door, you're met with smiles and hugs.

Mutual Support

This is not just a place to collect our mail.

We've grieved deaths, cared for during illnesses, sympathized with troubles, aided and abetted relationships.

We are family.

Multiple Leaders

We make a point that no one person is always the leader.

At the same time, there always seems to be someone who steps up when we need leadership.

Distributed leadership gives our house resiliency and cohesiveness.

Governance by Schmooze

When someone in our house has an idea or an issue, they first discuss it one-on-one with each family member. This:

• Ensures each of us feels we've been heard
• Enables us to speak more freely than in a group
• Helps a true consensus evolve with each conversation

Then we refine and ratify the decision either at a house meeting, a group meal, or online

Plan

We have a house budget.

We have a house meeting each January to fine-tune and ratify the short, medium, and long term plans we've developed by schmooze.

This is particularly vital for House Projects: solar panels, siding, major repairs or improvements to someone's individual space.

We maintain financial reserves and try to plan for contingencies.

Respect Privacy

Sometimes you just want to be alone, or à deux.

Because this differs by person, we've learned what signals to send and what signals to recognize:
    A closed door
    A closed door with a sign
    A closed and secured door with a sign - with happy noises from the other side.

Make the Effort

Group living is like any relationship, you get out of it what you put into it.

Evolve

It's still exciting. We're not living our parents' plans.